It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize