he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
