The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
