what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
