and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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