Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
