i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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