The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
