I want to have your abortion
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
