Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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