fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
