Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
