You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
