I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
