So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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