Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
