I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
