Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
