is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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