..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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