If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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