those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
