Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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