hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
