Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
