that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
