woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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