I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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