There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
