Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
