My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
