I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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