It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize