That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
