Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
