I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
