when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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