Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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