...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i now understand why vodka
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
