Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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