Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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