The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
