I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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