and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize