Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
