Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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