I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Someone shattered a urinal.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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