And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
