my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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