Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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