and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
