i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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