Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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