Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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