Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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