Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
