We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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