Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
