WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
