took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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