I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
