well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
