"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this just has baby written all over it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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