WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Randomize
