don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
