The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
