see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
