I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize