They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I love you. Go after that dick
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