I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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