hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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