I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
