apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need to sanitize my soul.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
