i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
