babies were throwing up all over the place
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
