Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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