dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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