Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
