I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you made out with another girl for some wings
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
