im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
