Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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