im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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