The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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