ya dads aren't the best wingmen
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Im part way to drunk.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
