Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
