News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
