Your tits are I can't wait for
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
