Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
