You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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