Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
