I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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