who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
